I am feeling better after the absyst in my stomache with all the infection. I had a cat scan done today, still have the absyst but the swelling and infection is going down. I have been in a lot of pain since this begun August 27.. til now. I am starting to feel better atleast. When I was pregnant and had a baby I was out of work for a week. I want to go back to work, I don't feel well enough yet. I was starting to see a head way in life... and I can not afford to stop. That is what my body is making me do. I go back in two weeks to do another cat scan. I hope by then they will take this drip pan out of me. There is a coil in my stomache pumping infection out and I empty it three times daily. They have to wait to do the surgery. I am supposed to go back to work, while my body drains the infection in this drip pan.. which I can manage if I take it easy. My work is fast food so I am not sure if it is sanitary and we move fast pace. I am going to talk with my boss, which speaks in a heavy accent and I can not understand her english... I can not work a lot of hours, or alone, and as hard until I am better and feeling like myself again. Another option which I am not going to mention to her is find a job that accomodates me better, I have had different jobs, even recent ones that I do not have to bust so much ass at. I work for free 15 hours a week off the clock to meet the impossible deadlines expected of me. I am promised a management position, working towards it, and I am only getting paid minimum until I make manager. I have never dealt with this crap in my life and know I can get paid better at something more low key and a better position. I can deal with this job and find a better one. My boss calls me everyday to tell me when I work and how long. If I have something to do she gets mad so I am not allowed a life. Now if I get an interview I am not going to take her crap and I will go. I am feeling really ill again... the Doctors act like I should not be in this pain. I am and they should figure out what is exactly wrong with me. Maybe it is a burst appendix like they think, I don't know. I can't trust them because I am in pain and they can not get me out of it.

I am trying to pay my bills. Working as many hours as possible. Take care of the past financial debts I have no choice to pay off. Credit card debt, past car loans, and judgments as those is not what I mean. Rent comes first. Still working towards a car. I almost found myself dead, at least it feels that way, more then a week ago. My appendix most likely burst. Problem is I felt to lousy to even take a ride to the hospital. Doesn't make sense I know, however by the time I wasn't sweating through 6 blankets throughout the night and my pain in my lower right abdonem suceeded a little, I cleaned myself up a bit... then hopped the bus to the emergency room. I felt as if I was carrying my crucifix then, trying to get across the intersection to the bus stop before the light turned green for ongoing traffic and then when I got off the bus I had to cross the street again and take a walk to the er in agonizing pain. I made it. I had so much infection in me it was hard for the docs to know what was going inside me. They drained over a pint of infection. After being released I have been home emptying my drip pan. It is connected to a tube in my stomache draining out infection. It's been almost a week since, now I have to call to make another appt. To do another cat scan and then surgery to remove my supposed burst appendix. Everything points to that direction and other test done eliminates other complications. Besides my health, I am living paycheck to paycheck. I have no idea how I am going to keep from becoming homeless if I can't continue to go to work right now and pay the bills. A year ago I was evicted and became homeless. I stayed in a fiberglass shop with a shower. It really made me stink and my clothing from the resin smells, which is embarassing when going to work. I became ill for a month last year, in as much pain as I am in right now. I also had an absyst tooth that swelled up much larger then a golf ball along with other pains, sweats, and chills. That time I suffered it out and healed naturally. This time thank god I went to the er or I would be dead right now. I just do not want to become homeless again. I am a single mom and have a eight year old child. Her father does not help out. He is quite older, though he looks young for his age. He had a business most his life that failed in this economy. It thrived for years and he never had to worry much about marketing and when the biz became sour he did not have any marketing skills to make it work since business would come to him mostly through word of mouth during the thriving years. He is finding himself unable to gain the skills to find work anywhere. People judge him for his age, tattoos, even a very old criminal background,ect. I tell him get a job anywhere even if it is McDonalds. He is having a hard time. I found him a pt job at a clothing retail store. However he is not making much at minimum wage and does not give me any child support. I am not making much at minimum either but I was working a lot more hours, 60 to 80 a week if I could. My two jobs really starting conflicting with each others hours, no matter how many times I asked my bosses to work me nights at one job and days at the other. I had to choose the one that gave me 40 hours a week. I need to work more then that to pay the bills and now I have a health issue and am out of work for the time being until I become better. I do not want me and my child to become homeless again! I don't want a burst appendix that I almost died from the infection either. I have never borrowed money in my life, never had help to pay a one time rent payment, my family is very tight with their money and will never give a hand up. I work hard it is my health that is failing me now to get ahead. Why I ask god, why this trial? Noone in my family will help financially... never have never will. I need that chance so I can heal and go back to work to get ahead.

 in response to John Smith...   I'll try to explain this.. When you feel as bad as I did at that moment... After the attorney took my most valuable possesions, I let my neighbors take off with my new furniture, big screen, surround sound, nice bedroom set yada yada yada.. all the big stuff and anything else the lawyers didn't take yet... I didn't go to anyone for help to move since I was depressed and figured it was better to give away what was left then having the apt. complex take it or their attorneys (which they were threatening to do and had already got away with a lot)... there was a time when I was better off way before that eviction. Also before I lost my business and before all the other things that lead to me to be that depressed... material things didn't matter at that point in time. Hell I have given up a house I had in a common law marriage when I was even younger.. of course it was in his name and I helped pay and remodel it from day one before I ventured off with my business. I know people who have had even more, let it go and gained even more and lost it all again... it is not hard to believe at all to me but I can see another one not understanding. I cracked under the stress and was depressed. As for the back rent... I was only one month late... the attorney costs and other fees added up that way whether legal or not, I don't know if you ever been in that type of situation? I should of sued them but I geuss I was more worried about a roof over me and my childs head along with getting as many hours as I could at work. It was illegal for the attorney to take my stuff before I handed the rest to my neighbor. My neighbor said they would hold onto some of it for me and pay me money for what they wanted. I couldn't get a hold of them after that. It was illegal for the attorney to lock me out of my place after paying them so much since they locked me out two days later, not two weeks. They assured me court was canceled and it wasn't. Like all situations it is complicated and there is a lot of events that lead up to a situation. My old client owned the building where I previously operated my business I used to have and would of let me store my things there. That is another lengthy story of why I didn't get my stuff over there. Life can be complicated, whether others understand and may also choose not to believe. I do not understand everyones situation, and at the same time after making unwise choices and learning from them the hard way, it is easier for me to accept the fact that there is reasons someone may have ended up in their bad circumstance. Life is circumstantial. Making better decisions and handling situations correctly the next time is the way to better yourself. Some people may never learn. On another note... it helps to vent and try to explain why things happened the way they did. The flip flop of this is I really do not need to dwell on the past since I am trying to move forward. That does not mean I will not learn from my mistakes.

Live and let Live.... first words to pop into my head this Saturday morning. What a great day it is, I have half the day off from work.. I have been working non stop at my fast food and retail clothing jobs. Putting in 80 hour weeks all in the name of trying to catch up with my debts. To me it is the slave labor of the recession.. all the precussions of earlier years when I was just making it. Now I am barely keeping up with some sort of survival. What I really miss is spending time with my daughter. All I can think is to work, work, until I get a vehicle and take care of more problems haunting me from the past. One of the things, besides my daughter of course that keeps me going is I am accomplishing little goals. One by one the pieces are being put back together and my jig saw puzzle life is seeing head way. I can not wait to see the ending result. That's where I am able to go to school, do well, and make a secure career out of the deal. I can imagine the outcome... the beautiful picture that lies ahead. As for today, I am going to ride my bike clear across town to get my purse I left at closing last night. Hectic night it was at work. Closing by myself with customers non stop. The people I work for want you out of their at a certain time and if your not they write you up. So I do the same thing everyone else does... clock out 15 minutes after closing and work up to two hours for free to get everything done right and a good job so I do not get written up. However I am still happy to have a break today until I go back to work this evening. That is the best feeling to have some time off. If I keep my employers from not shorting my hours on pay day, it will be much easier to get ahead and I am happy to have a job. Times are different then they used to be. Good luck to all and I hope your pictures of what you desire in life comes true for you and your rewarded for all the hard work. On this note, we can do our best and that will have to be sufficient.

 in response to hear-me...   I hear ya!!! I understand that tough love crap fully. My family plays that one on me dearly. It has helped mold me to be who I am today. I was always independant, worked full time since a very early age. Here I am 32, a single mom once with a prosperous business. Now I am struggling beyond any comphrehension of any state I thought I would be in. Getting evicted from a few places, the lawyers of the last apartment took everything I ever had of value. Even my talented 7 year old daughters guitars, which I was teaching her how to play music. Though she misses her DS they took. It seemed very crooked I was trying to catch up on rent and in the mercy of it all I signed papers from the lawyers office with impossible request and I was lied to about them canceling the court date. My rent was $600 a month. I was behind one month. I paid $900 at the beginning of the new month. Two weeks later they took $400 from me and said everything was fine and I would keep paying them $800 to $1200 every two weeks for a few months. Two days later I was locked out. I was selling a lot of my things to keep up and giving them most of my pay checks. Since my business I was part owner of failed after eight years... which it was around for twenty mind you... I found a minimal wage fast food job. What I didn't sale, the lawyers took. My family lives high and mighty and they let me fend completly for myself, no matter what. One of these days I am going to go to college, get a great career, and never return to this hell.. besides my daughter she is my heaven. Oh forget the multimillionaires from helping. I am related to a few. I asked for help a few years back when my child needed a serious surgery done. The co-pay was $4,000.00 ,, luckily my situation was better then compared to now. One thing for sure I am sick of my gold digging aunts and cousins, looking down on me. My clients from the past made it through hard work of course though all of them that have survived the hard times have always had money from their prominent families. They are just trying to hold onto their more then a million dollar homes and real estate. It is always poor poor them. They get mad if I get a tax break for having a child, while I live in a tiny one bedroom in the ghettos. If I can't get help I'm still going somewhere and dreams sometimes do come true. It is unfortunately going to be a rough journey ahead. It is not the hard work that scares me, that is the least of my worries. I welcome that as always. Use it to my advantage to conquer life once again with a fresh start.